Dad jokes

Dad jokes (28)

1. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.
2. Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts.
3. I used to hate facial hair. But then it grew on me.
4. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
5. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
6. I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.
7. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
8. Why can't you trust stairs? They're always up to something.
9. I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know y.
10. What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese.
11. How do you organise a space party? You planet.
12. Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
13. What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved.
14. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
15. Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don't work.
16. What's brown and sticky? A stick.
17. I would tell you a construction joke. But I'm still working on it.
18. Why don't eggs tell jokes? They'd crack each other up.
19. What do you call a factory that makes okay products? A satisfactory.
20. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space.
21. Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two tired.
22. What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto.
23. I don't trust people who do acupuncture. They're back stabbers.
24. How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
25. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of trousers? In case he got a hole in one.
26. What do you call a pile of cats? A meowtain.
27. I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
28. What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.